I felt too hypocritical to post on your Facebook wall, to be a voice amongst those who were close to you, dear to you and loved you more than life itself. I was neither close friend nor family to you. I knew you, however, and need to put down how I feel after this tragic event.
I probably saw you around in first year, but only really got to know you in second through Writing Society. We both loved Romanticism but had very differing views on the music of U2. They’ve still only done about four good songs out of the million they’ve released, P. You leaving us won’t guilt me into changing my opinion on that! It makes me sad that you will never get to listen to them again though, when you clearly loved them so much. I hope they play U2 in Heaven. Although, if that is the case I hope, when my time comes, I go to a different Heaven where they play Bruce Springsteen.
I remember our trip to the Hay Festival. Writing, books and Marcus Brigstocke. Things you loved, that we both loved. I think one of the reasons we weren’t closer was because I saw us as so different. I admit to being a conformist. I love a bit of normalcy, me. But you clearly marched to your own drum. It is only now, looking back on how I didn’t let us get to know each other, that I acknowledge we had more than a few things in common.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend we were best friends, that I always got along with you. I admit to bitching about you from time to time, just as I bitched about everyone. You were a very interesting character, one that I sometimes found hard to take. But you were well meaning, well liked by many and I find it just incomprehensible how anyone could be as unhappy, as despairing as you must have been yesterday.
For that I am sorry. That your family and friends have lost someone so beloved in such terrible, terrible circumstances. That the world has lost someone who clearly had a lot to give. That you lost your sight of your place and purpose in the world. I know you didn’t believe in God or anything like that, but I do truly hope something and somewhere exists beyond this world, just so you can be happier there.
Rest in peace, P. I’m so, so sorry.
